When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
- Alexander Graham Bell
I hate being friends w a guy then the bastard starts throwing out 'I like you' 'want to be more than friends' 'would you consider getting with me' etc.. First off MF keep your feelings to yourself. Who freaking knows how many friendships I've had that have been ruined by one of the above phrases or something similar. You know, sometimes a girl just wants a guy to be just her friend. Not friends w benefits. Not part time man. Not full time man. Nothing more than just FRIENDS.
I don't mind if you like me and you keep your damned feelings to yourself. Cool but don't tell me. That ruins everything bc I now think about that everytime we are together. I have to change my mannerisms bc I don't want you think I'm ever going to be into you.
Oh and if we are friends, I will make sure to pick you apart completely and that you have qualities about yourself that I hate so I won't fall for you. And texting will be very infrequent. I don't want you to get ideas.
It just amazes me how guys can't just be friends w a chick without thinking something's going to happen BECAUSE ITS NOT HAPPENING KIDDO!
If I ever get married or into another relationship, I want it to be summed up in this song. Such a beautiful song. This song gives me a lachrymose response. It's such a dynamically amazing song.
When I heard it, I see me and that person, whomever he is. I see my wedding day. Anyone who knows me understands that's huge statement coming from me but it's true. I have so much hope for the future and when I hear this song my heart flutters in excitement.
Oh by the way, this fellow who I dated for a few months shy of forever, has been deliberately holding up communication with me. That last sentence sounds very negative but do not take it as so. Any who, I really need to ask him what he wants from me. I know it'll be perceived as a rude statement but I want to know. I have tried to get over him for awhile. Once I thought I was rid of him, he'd crawl his way back into my sights. Through many months of deleted photos, messages, number, displaced number, removal of bathetic items, pray of forgetting about him, etc... He comes back. So I'm contemplating where this is a curse or I'm being beatified unknowingly. If I'm bring blessed w this then are we meant to be friends, try again, or am I to help him w his next relationship. We shall see. Again, we are cordial and at solace w one another (on my end, I think his too). So only time shall tell. If he just stated what he wanted, I'd be happier.
Back to the reason I wrote this, this is one of my favorite songs and albums on my phone. Best r&b I've heard in ages. Beautiful. Makes me happy to hear music and not over saturated profanity and pure sex. I can listen to this entire album without skipping songs. Eek. So good.
I can't wait to wake up to my future w a kiss on the forehead and calm in his eyes.
Okay, so the other day... Well last Friday, December 13th, Beyonce released her fifth cd. It was truly a surprise even to me. Beyonce, in my mind is hit or miss. Her last cd I only really acknowledged 3 songs and the rest were pretty useless. Honestly when I heard about this cd, I was listening to the radio and they were playing 'Drunk in Love' and I hated it. I was like what is this crap. I don't really care for Jay Z because his raps recently are garBAGEEEE. Beyond that, it had an off sound and truly, some songs on the radio sound much different than their mastered iTunes versions or whatever. I purchased it later that evening and honestly was more excited about the video portion and it was mind blowing.
From the songs, it sounded like she'd matured. She know excepts who and what she is. From who she is to her sexuality as a woman. All together, I can appreciate this body of work. She took her time with this album.She just sounds like she is comfortable with herself and willing to allow herself to finally be seen by the public. That being said, I did one run through of the videos. THERE IS SO MUCH BUTT. I have never seen so much full on butt. She's lost weight and is slim and more toned but leave something to the imagination. It was so much for my eyes to focus on.
I'm currently listening to the album for the second time. About 6 or 7 songs are purely sexually referenced. They are just over saturated with that and it's a bit much. While those songs are playing I'm just uttering 'EW' the entire freaking song(s). It's a lot to handle. It's not like she hasn't made references like this before but they were more subtle and seemed to have multiple meanings. This is just blatant and easy off the tongue.
My favorite songs are Mine(absolute favorite), XO, Heaven(I can't listen to more than twice in a row), and I'm starting to like Superpower. Blue is a cute song. Again, it is a great body of work BUT she still is hit or miss for me. It's just so much sex. I may be saying this because i have no one to call my own and that makes me biased. I just don't want to envision Jay Z and Beyonce doing anything.I love music outside the realm of sex, drugs and money.
When i downloaded this album, it messed up my iTunes album artwork which is super annoying. I'm trying to fix it but that ain't working.
ANYWAYS. Perhaps you'll like it. I have attached the links for the videos...
ENJOY!
Mine
XO
Heaven
Purchase it or preview the songs and purchase what you like. I do like the videos but eh she's still hit or miss for me.
OHHHHH! After I purchased the album, I purchased this song by Childish Gambino ft Jhene Aiko, Pink Toes which I love. Made the mistake of purchasing the entire album which I wish you could return an album after 1 minute of purchasing. It's an amazing song and an alright album.
They jacked up this version of it but check iTunes or another website to hear the song. I really like Jhene Aiko. That's truly the only reason I purchased the album....
Late few days I have not been able to sleep consistently throughout the night. It's as if I am able to lie down for a bit then I get restless and can't function properly and begin to toss and turn about the bed.
I intentionally took four melatonin pills and I am wide the hell awake. I hate this. I toss and turn and find myself awake. I took the pills at 8 and got into bed w the tv off by 940 and look it's only 1 AM!!!
I would really like to sleep now. Shoot even Hershel is sleep. He actually just woke up briefly bc he saw my phone light but geez.
Idk what to do. It's gotten so bad my muscle under my eye is twitching. Unfortunately I asked my boss's boss who is a speech therapist and that's a signed of MS or stress or lack of sleep. Idk know if I'm stressed or worried about something but I think I'll take zquil tmrw. It's starting to get outta hand.
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 NKJV)
Devotional of the day:
So He told a parable to those who were invited, when He noted how they chose the best places, saying to them: “When you are invited by anyone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in the best place, lest one more honorable than you be invited by him; and he who invited you and him come and say to you, ‘Give place to this man,’ and then you begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit down in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 14:7-11 NKJV)
Verse to remember:
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19 NKJV)
“But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. (Luke 6:27, 28 NKJV)
Devotional of the day:
Actually a really good story today. Never heard it before.
Now all the people of Judah took Uzziah, who was sixteen years old, and made him king instead of his father Amaziah. (II Chronicles 26:1 NKJV)
But when he was strong his heart was lifted up, to his destruction, for he transgressed against the Lord his God by entering the temple of the Lord to burn incense on the altar of incense. So Azariah the priest went in after him, and with him were eighty priests of the Lord —valiant men. And they withstood King Uzziah, and said to him, “ It is not for you, Uzziah, to burn incense to the Lord, but for the priests, the sons of Aaron, who are consecrated to burn incense. Get out of the sanctuary, for you have trespassed! You shall have no honor from the Lord God.” Then Uzziah became furious; and he had a censer in his hand to burn incense. And while he was angry with the priests, leprosy broke out on his forehead, before the priests in the house of the Lord, beside the incense altar. And Azariah the chief priest and all the priests looked at him, and there, on his forehead, he was leprous; so they thrust him out of that place. Indeed he also hurried to get out, because the Lord had struck him. King Uzziah was a leper until the day of his death. He dwelt in an isolated house, because he was a leper; for he was cut off from the house of the Lord. Then Jotham his son was over the king’s house, judging the people of the land. (II Chronicles 26:16-21 NKJV)
When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2 NKJV)
Verse to remember:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13 NKJV)
Thursday: went to a Dallas Stars cheerleader calendar roll out. My friend's (Tia) friend is one of the newcomers on the team. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe in Dallas. Met up w her as they were presenting the calendar. That was fun I guess but the service was a joke.
Our server didn't get my drink correct. I asked for their spiked raspberry lemonade but she gave me strawberry. It was pretty sour. I ordered some blackened chicken pasta w a Caesar salad but never received my salad and charged me for it. Tia had some special fajitas where you pick two meats and it's 17 something. She picked carnitas and shrimp. The server repeated carnitas and chicken. Tia's like no I want the shrimp. She brought her the pork and chicken anyway. Smh. Then she charged her for one meat and another meat, not the combo. Which was more expensive. She asked the waitress about that and she said that's not how the combo worked. I could've sworn there were no specifications or stipulations on the meat combo choices. Tia was baffled at the fact if that was the case, why didn't she say that while she was ordering.... Her name tag said she'd been there since 2012 or 2011 but still screwed up orders. Just wow! Good time though.
Friday: wanted to go see the best man holiday but it was completely sold out. So my coworker and I went to BJ's instead. Had a nice dinner and I asked her about her relationship w one our coworkers. I knew but there was a few thinks that I was curious about. So we spoke and I told her about herself and she asked about me and my past relationships and why I was not w someone. I explained. She asked about this guy that liked me... Told her about that. Good time altogether.
Saturday: went to the Texas Tech V Baylor game and it was nice. Never been to the Dallas stadium but it was better than I anticipated. Tech lost 63 to 34 but I enjoyed the atmosphere and going w Tia. So I have always hated beer but I had a Redd's Apple Ale and that wasn't half bad. I liked it and it didn't even taste like beer. Haha I had two. Getting parked was a dozy but after three tries we started to head in. Big and open and spacious. Mind you, we got our tickets last minute but they weren't terrible seats. Section 453 row 9 seat 15, 16. Had a blast. Now that's off my bucket list.
I am happy that I'm starting to enjoy things... Life! My next chapter is come soon w grad school. So until then, I shall enjoy, live, breath and keep on moving forward. I have yet again another busy weekend this coming weekend.
Saturday Hershel went to his class and went to day camp afterwards. He had to have been tired. He played so hard. Later on I went zip lining w friends. Gabbie (her birthday shindig), Anthonia (who planned to go and watch) and Christina (OT coworker). I had a really good time!
I had a fantastic time w these great people.
Sunday, I went to spirit fest w Tia and her friends. Heard great Christian artists that I'd never heard of except 1 band. Some of it had that soft rock Christian music others didn't sound like it at all. It was a good Sunday. I purchased a tee shirt and a wrist band.
The bands I liked were: the royal royals, Shawn McDonald and flame. Flame was like a real hip hop concert but you actually listened to the lyrics and not just the beat. People were really getting into it.
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13, 14 NKJV)
Verse to remember:
Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. (Galatians 6:7 NKJV)
It has come to my attention, that I'm not taking my future and/or life seriously. Slacking is an understatement. Moreso, procrastination to its finest. I received a eye opening warning of what is to come if I do not pass this procrastination phase. I do not want anymore bad omens. From now until the end of the year I am devoting myself fully to my many opportunities that I have been provided with countless times. Only the important will be sought. My path, encumbered with distractions. No more shall that be the reasoning for my down fall. I'm done with all that stands in my way.
Sweet death... Take my distractions and lack of discipline with you as your prey on the unfortunate.
I will not be turned astray from my destiny. I will not!
Guess where I am? Haha a laundry mat place. I don't think I've been here since I was itty bitty but my washer is currently broken and it's been like 2 months since I really washed clothes. I don't wash all the time. Perhaps every 2 or 3 months when I'm really washing but I have to wear scrubs to work and I need those washed more frequently. I was so skeptical about the cleanliness but shit I have to get this done so I don't have to worry about it until December. Haha.
I've been sick for a few days. Nothing major I think. No idea what I've had. I tried to take all medicines to cover all of my bases. Wednesday I took 3 100mg ibuprofen at once and 2 sinus tablets. Thursday took a 24 hour allergy pill that night. Friday took some cold and allergy dimetapp. Went to work and everyone was like go home. My cheeks were red. My eyes were puffy and hurt to the touch. Body ached. Headache was starting again. I had the same body aching headache since Wednesday. Had all this pressure built up. My body generally holds in quite a bit of heat but I was burning up but felt cold. I really thought it was the fact that I rode with my windows down and the pressure from the wind was too great for me. I remember I took a nap as soon as I got home Wednesday. So many thought I had the flu or a cold or an allergic reaction to something etc. idk. I thought I just ran a fever. I had a small bit of pizza and cereal, drank Gatorade, rented redbox movies, slept and that was that. Took some DayQuil when I got home and NyQuil in the evening. So honestly don't know what's going on.
Now my skin is irritated. I keep scratching all over. I can't wash my sheets bc the washer is outta commish at the moment. Hope Hershel hasn't brought anything in. I lysoled for now. I'm starting to get red splotches from scratching so Much. Can't wait till this is all over. Good grief.
Why is it when I am asked to describe myself, I go blank. I honestly can say I have the most trouble describing myself. I guess I don't really know myself. I know who I'd like to be but nothing more than that.
When I asked someone, their response was: independent, hard working, beautiful etc
Now those words are good but not what I necessarily want to be known for. I used to be a free spirit, self assure, logical, analytical, creative, a visionary and smart.
These days I feel less like a free spirit.
I'm not sure of who I am anymore. I know what I want to be but not sure how or where my legacy begins.
Logic is out the window and so is analytical.
Barely creative and nowhere near visionary.
I haven't felt smart in at least 7 months. I feel my brain function is diminishing.
The only thing I can say I have going for me is visually and orally my memory is intact, sight is good, my hearing is much better than I really thought. I'm not able to soak up random knowledge like I used to and regurgitate it back at you. I feel like I can't spell sometimes.
I'm somehow impaired and I need to get my original characteristics back bc I don't like who I am now. Tired of trying to adapt and conform to others which, in turn, diminishes my character. Lord knows I need a change; I'm just now realizing it.
So I've been investigating Macs recently and have decided I really want one. The one I want is the MacBook Pro. The MacBook Pro w retina display is vibrant but you can't print picture in the same vibrant display. So it's not that big of a deal to me. Anywho, the regular 13" MacBook Pro runs about 1200 but w all the additives and specs it's about 2100. So I'm trying to decide when I should get it. The thoughts been in the back of my mind since August.
I just so happen to get an update for 1saleaday.com and there it is the 13" mac I want for 700 bucks. First thought, is it refurbished? Said brand new. Now you and I both know Mac computers rarely go on sale. The most I've seen is a hundred buck discount. So I'm all let's do it. Once I get to the website it's freakin sold out which makes me sad for a moment.
Oh well. Better luck next time, right. If you see any on sale, let me know or I'll just force myself to spend 2100 :(
So I downloaded John Legend's cd yesterday and I LOVE IT! It's the closest thing to perfection this far.
The one thing that sold me was the intro 'Angel ft Stacy Barthe.' Loved it and decided to take a chance. I'm beyond happy that I did. I haven't listened to all 20 songs but I love all 10 I've heard this far.
I guess the cd makes you want to reevaluate love and love lost and presents new hope for it.
You and I is a beautiful song. I can envision a wedding each time it plays. All of me gives me that same vision.
I can't wait for that beautiful love that all flaws and imperfections are loved. Each person becomes one. I want that never ending smile again. That humor that comes with it. Can't wait for my turn. It's going to be phenomenal.
My current obsession beyond the born sinner album which I love! I like it. I actually wanted the more mellow version of this. Idk if its an acoustic version of it but its kinda Afrocentric/psychedelic or something. Love that version but album version is good too. I'll listen to this once more but off to bed I go, work at 8 :)
I love all music. From Country to Bollywood to dance electronic music.
I love going into a maintenance place and knowing what I'm talking about. So my cigar lighter stopped working the other day and I watched a YouTube video about it and it was like either it was unplugged or you blew a fuse or something more major. So of course, me being super handy, I try to pop the face plate off so I can see if its disconnected. I decided to stop bc if I ruin it, it's my bad. Couldn't do that so today I went to services for fords and the guy was like your fuse is blown. Thank goodness it wasn't more severe. I haven't popped it in yet. So when I check out, I'll know.
Haha I know how to fix stuff on my car. I wish I would've take a mechanics class when I was younger. This would be a lot easier.
So I've been doing some housewife crap since I've been jobless :) and I hate it. So when I get bored, I cook and clean a lot. And I've been backing quite a bit this last week.
This is chocolate chip-less cherry chocolate banana oatmeal bread. Which was delicious! Best bread I ever made!
This is the original recipe. Cherry chocolate banana oatmeal bread. So I have come to the assumption that I don't really like chocolate so I wasn't as good. I hate chocolate actually. So if your a chocolate lover, you'll enjoy it.
I'll have to put the recipe up later. I can't find it at the moment :)
Next ill make some red white and blue cookies! Then I'm done baking. Had my two week vacation, now I'm off to work next Wednesday. New job :) we shall see how working w older folks and individuals w Alzheimer's is eek. So much closer to becoming and OT and PT. I'm really excited but I've come to the re assumption that I want to own my own business.
So I have to update you too! I quit Vanity haha. I put my two weeks notice in on May 26 and worked the remainder of that week and used PTO for the last week haha. I planned that out pretty well. So my last day was officially June 9. I just got another job on June 14 and went on the interview in June 13. So I got my two weeks off from working and will go to work on Wednesday at my new job. It turns out my former boss either quit or was fired too bc late Wednesday they called me asking something and I was make sure you email the DSM and they were like we have a new one and I busted out laughing. I couldn't contain myself. It was soooo funny! Couldn't contain myself! I'll call or text her sometime soon to see if she ended up moving. That last week I was there she was trying to decide whether or not she was going to leave Vanity or stick around until the end of June.
Okay um, I opened an Roth IRA account which is different than a traditional IRA account bc a Roth, you pay taxes now and a traditional one you pay taxes when you are ready to remove the money. Better to pay taxes on a little rather than a lot later.
Something happened to my cigar lighter in my car so it either needs to be replugged in or a fuse is in need of replacing. I can't replug it in bc I can't take off the face piece unfortunately.
Hershel is still alive! Haha what I caught him doing the other day.
I'm packing and moving. Selling things and getting my car ready to go.
I've cut off all my fellows here and ready to move on. OT school is just a bit away. I'm ready to move on to the next chapter. Haha in two days.
Now that the update is over, I received this text from this guy I use to know and it was strange. The details were a Bit fuzzy... Actually I don't remember anything the message said. I didn't even read it bc I was a bit tossed that evening. Haha. So I just had it read to me two weeks ago. It was confusing bc it sounded like he was confessing something but at the same time attempting to let me know something. Me, being a girl, I want to analyze and decode all that garbage :(. What I came up w is he's so selfish. Why? Bc he won't let me heal. Every time I'm okay and able to prance around on my toes he knocks me back down and I have to attempt to climb up out of that hole again. So come turns, I can't heal properly w this yoyo effect I'm in. Every few months I get a message and I won't read it bc I know it'll screw me up. I figured hanging out w trainer would help but that was a temporary fix.
Random thought: I need a fwb for sure. 2 years and counting, I think.
I cannot wait until I'm back w my Hershel and I'm in a brand new environment before OT school! I need to heal!
So I actually haven't been working out in a moment but I did legs on Monday and arms yesterday or today. Whichever.
The last time I did pictures was in January I believe. Hopefully you see the progress too!
