Last 2 weeks

When I get stressed, I GET STRESSED. Unlike normal human beings I hold it in and burst much much later.
I really have to stop doing that but it's always been done this way. Well my way.

Well the last 2 weeks have been not nearly as bad as hell but the least agitating, annoying, and needed I guess. I had a revelation yesterday morning which will easy me through the next couple of days. I hope I don't end up in an asylum bc I really want to rip someone a new hole.
I think I shall start meditating again to avoid that.
Oh and to add to my troubles, I have my GRE next Thursday. Ugh. This years is a rap.

Until then I'm stuck like chuck.
Later

Sleep issues

I hate not being able to sleep bc your waiting on a phone call. This is the second time this has affected my sleep. I'm just going to not worry about it and just go to sleep like I use to.

Some people

When it comes to helping others, I'm all for it. Ask anyone who knows me, they'll let you know. Its as if my ideal purpose to life was to help others. So until I am told otherwise, this is what I will be doing. I believe my happiness and pleasent nature should be shared with others. Its something that makes me truely happy.
Now that you know a little background information, it erks my nerves when you lend a helping hand to someone and they aren't willing to allow themselves to be helped by you but they complain about the situations that they put themselves in. It drives me nuts. I want to help but how can I when you won't allow me. Maybe I'm trying to hard to be a good person but DANG don't come complaining about the situation I could've helped you with.

I hate to complain but really! Really dude!?

Crowds and Groupies

Hello there. Been awhile since I was last on here.

Something that bothers me very much occurs when people say they're mad or "upset" about one thing but in all actuality there anger mainfests from elsewhere. If your mad, say it when I ask or so help you God, keep your peace. It drive me nuts. State your angle and be done with it. Lets not play this game of cat and mouse. Once you realize I'm not going to chase you, perhaps you'll come to your senses. But until then, we aren't on peaceful terms.

Let the vow of silence begin!

Swear by the Moon

ROMEO
Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear
That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops—

JULIET
O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

Love Shakespeare.
Juliet was on to something when she spoke that night.

Assholes

Every time I start to get somewhere, someone always has to screw it up.
Assholes.
Clearly conversations are to be had soon enough.

New Steps

This is definitely my next moment that I'd like to exist in. I don't care to share the pleasantry with anyone and I mean anyone. That may sound selfish but people seem to take and not appreciate the blessings bestowed on them. I've appreciated every decent and awful aspect in my life. It's been a lesson and a journey. For the past week, I've heard over 15 people complain about the situations that they're in. If you don't like the situation, change it.
You dug your hole, now you climb out.

People always want someone to help them when they can't help themselves. I'm not going to turn my back on them but help them. That's my purpose in life, to help those who seem helpless. I'm going to stop listening neither.
I have an ear and a heart that I allow others to fill. Sometimes I wish I had someone to do the same for me... But I don't have anyone in that physical form of man to. Oh well.

The fact of the matter is, your at a job you hate FIND A NEW ONE. Your in a city you despise RELOCATE. You have friends that are not really your friends FIND NEW ONES. Your in a repationship that you loathe, GET OUT OF IT. It's really not that hard. All it takes is effort on your part. You want things to change, then find the change.

It was by choose that you found yourself in this situation so find a plausible solution. You have no excuse to be excessively complaining as you've been. You have all the resources in the world ,use them.
You will get no pity from me. You don't deserve it.

Hmm...

I'm living in this reaccuring nightmare.
I live it.
I breathe it.
Everyday and every moment.
It took me all but 4 days to realize what this was.

When I wake up, I no longer want to see this.
But something more pleasant.

Loud Music

This song was stuck in my head yesterday. LOVEEE it!

MICHELLE BRANCH LYRICS

"Loud Music"

And now and then I get to wonderin'

What would have happen if we never met

I don't know

You take a drag of your cigarette

And drivin' too fast with some Zeppelin on, oh oh

You know you had me at "cool t-shirt, babe"

I said I wished that I'd seen Hendrix play

You took me home to see your new guitar

Turning it up, shook me all night long

Making loud music

We're making loud music

We're making loud music

You and I

So loud, so (loud)

It was like my life began that day

I still remember what the jukebox started to play

And then we had to take it on the road

Start me up like a rolling stone

Making loud music

We're making loud music

We're making loud music

You and I

So loud, so (loud)

What we got feels so good

Like I'm climbing a stairway to heaven

And it turns me on

When we dial it up all the way to eleven

Making loud music

We're making loud music

We're making loud music

You and I

So loud, so (loud)

Kiss Me Slowly, Parachute

I can't get through this song without choking up nor tearing up!

Click the video and ENJOYYY!

OH, here are the lyrics:

"Kiss Me Slowly"

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don't leave me alone.
Walk with me, come and walk with me,
To the edge of all we've ever known.

I can see you there with the city lights,
Fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes.
I can breathe you in.
Two shadows standing by the bedroom door,
No, I could not want you more than I did right then,
As our heads leaned in.

Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don't leave me alone.
She shows me everything she used to know,
Picture frames and country roads,
When the days were long and the world was small.

She stood by as it fell apart,
Separate rooms and broken hearts,
But I won't be the one to let you go.

Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.

Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

Don't run away...
And it's hard to love again,
When the only way it's been,
When the only love you know,
Just walked away...
If it's something that you want,
Darling you don't have to run,
You don't have to go ...

Just stay with me, baby stay with me,

Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below. (Don't let go)
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna go,
But in this moment all I know
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below. (Baby, don't let go)
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXqYw_II6Pc&ob=av2e

Just venting

It's a wonder how childish people act. You need to grown the heck up. Seriously. There's so much I wanna get off my chest but I hold it all in. I feel sorry for the unfortunate person who gets my bantering. I'm hoping it's aimed at the correct group of people.

Bar Talk

"A drunk man speaks a sober mind,"
- Anonymous 
I'm not sure who actually came up with that quote but whomever it was, clearly, they were a secret genius. 
This quote holds so much truth. The inebriated speak beside oneself. 
The restrictions that they hold for normal slurs do not apply here.
The truth spills from their tongue as morning dew arrives on each blade of grass. It's undeniably true.
No reservations.
No irregular implications. 
No beating among the bush, just harsh reality of life. 
Among these drunkards, the mid-level plastered individual derives its wisdom from within the confounds of the unspoken. Expressive fluctuation of speech spill among the severed accented table that lie beneath the extremities of him who've cultivated what others have yet. It entertains most but captivates the insightful. If only the drunk knew how powerful their words were. But they don't. 
Such a clever harangue streaming past limber lips like with no rationale.

Sit and listen to what's said, you may learn something. 

Just a stranger

It's funny how conversing with strangers can turn feelings of awkward loneliness into something above that. Taking you from the corner of a dark alley and leading you a street light. 

I just had a conversation with Mr & Mrs Solis (I think that's their last names) and Mrs Gardner. All three older but somehow found time to take an interest in me. I've always enjoyed talking to those who were well seasoned and aware of their surroundings.
Moments like this make me think there is still a bit of hope for mankind. That there are people still out there who want to see you succeed and hope you the best for the future. 

All the people that I have met and conversed with, give me confidence and encourage me whose lost hope not only in the human race but confidence in themselves. 

I am completely honored to have had someone made a huge impact on me and my life. 

Thank you to all. I hope we meet again or at least I can show you the same compassion and willing guidance you've shown me. 

I won't let you down. 
I won't let myself down. 

Times like these...

... I feel the most lonely.
This feeling has lingered  tastelessly for months now. It was present for days then weeks and now months. Most don't know my greatest fear but it's not loneliness, it's being left behind. The sadness it brings me is beyond what most see.

"Hey"
"hey"
"What's wrong?"
"nothing"
"Are you sure?"
"yeah"
"Stacy, really what's wrong? Your say one thing but your eyes say another..."

Truest words I have ever heard. I always hid my sadness from other. A simple trick I learned early at age 2. I only want to be saved from it and remove myself from the awful elements I'm thrown in. I wanna be safe but that'll never happen here. 

Fatal

This burden you carry so high on your back, won't you share?

Bello

Fatal

Fatal is the attraction
Of twos reaction, to a unit
The correlation
Of these twos nation, is beyond the hills
Never friends before
Opening that door, of the building's unit
They share their dreams
And other related things, in this place
The portrait near the door
Shows a lot more of their own unit
The portrait holds a face
That goes beyond this place, and sees all
It sees the lying, cursing, and hurt
Asked is it worth, the pain...

Bello

Remember me?

Hey world, I'm back and a lot has been going on since I last posted. I'll have to fill you in on it on Sunday. Right now, I need to turn in these redbox movies then read this chapter 1 in this psychology book. I have to takequizzes 1-3 over chapters 1-3 by Sunday.
Summer classes are great and all but I'm being a procrastinator. Lol. Oh snap, it's 837. Gotta go.

Bello.

Passion

“They can't hurt you unless you let them.”

 

 

Passion intertwined in a relationship that brings pivotal points of despair and disdain. The emotional ties we have with the verbal are the color-coded legend which interprets the physical. We ask for no help; we only seek radiance in a Seattle sky. The light we see at the end of the tunnel is filled with deception and sorrow that is a sharp shooter through the veins. This sickness maneuvers its way to infest our brain where the infection will remain. Until we openly agree that this disease is reason we sleep with heavy eyes and our scars have deep meaning this illness will remain under the influence.

Phase1: Tension Building

Poor communication between the two is a major indicator for potential problems. Rising interpersonal tension, passive aggressiveness and fear are also signs of the cycles start. The victim will try to alter their behavior in order to avoid triggering or setting off their partner’s outburst.

Phase 2: Incident

Eruption takes place whether it is physical, verbal or emotional. This phase indicates a form of violence. The violator wants to dominate the victim by showing anger, threats, and intimidation.

Phase 3: Reconciliation

The pleading, apologies, the ‘I’m sorry’ and affection is displayed during this phase. The violator feels sorrowful for the pain caused or they may pretend to feel apologetic. The violator will then use self-harm or threaten to try and get the victim back.

 Phase 4: Calm

During this stage, the relationship is peaceful and calm. Unfortunately, the relationship will again hit that tension phase and the cycle will continue.

Can you break the cycle? Break the cycle before it breaks you.

http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.htm