Long story short, I am a very selfless person. I cannot recall a day, (perhaps there are a mere handful of days) that I've been selfish. I honestly cannot think of one. Even in those times I've wanted so desperately to be, I can't get myself to do so. I think about others constantly. I put a 110% effort into helping others. Some may say that's a fantastic quality to have but is it really. Could it be 86% selfless and 14% selfish??? Or something more even on the playing field???
You may say, 'why on earth would you want to change into a selfish person?' Well, in all the time I've been a yes person, I've lost sight of who I am and what I'm about. Does that make sense?
Let me chop it up a bit. All this time I've been helping, pushing, encouraging, and persuading people to do the right thing and do what's best for them, I've had no chance to know what's best for me. I don't know anything about myself really. I can't tell you the last time I was able to be needy. I was able to lean on someone's shoulder and ask for advice or just take a day to myself and relax. It's like everyone gets that luxury but me.
I use to be so great at expressing myself, let people know what I feel and what my needs are. It was never overprocessed or excessive. It was simple. This. That. Done. But now, when it gets to me telling my truth, I freeze up. I worry about and how people will react to what I'm to say and what of it hurts their feeling. I need to find a balance between being the go to person and the person that needs an ear every once in a while.
I really don't ask for much. I'm a simply complex girl but I want to get back to simplicity and blunt but direct. No prisoners but still considerate.
I need to get me and myself together before I can really try and coexist w another needy individual.
So for right now, I'm not taking anymore nonsense. I need to focus on me before hauling other folks. They'll just hold me back.
0 comments:
Post a Comment